The return of the canned cheeseburger

Here it is: the truest expression of crap food at its most elemental; the crap sublime, if you will

OMG, someone actually TRIED that nauseating-looking German cheeseburger in a can. The enterprising - and undoubtedly iron-stomached - folks over at the Onion had the nerve to actually eat something that, one suspects, is really more an object for parody than degustation.

I'd venture to bet they're the only people in the world to have actually eaten the thing instead of buying it and then exhibiting it proudly on a shelf, where it would glow the pure essence of crapitude as it was meant to.

From the department of EWWWWWwwwwww.....

Blech! Chocolate-flavored cheese singles? I’d write more about this if I weren’t about to puke.

Call me Captain Obvious,

but it is official, people. Americans just don't have a monopoly on crap convenience food.




Yes. Your eyes do not deceive you. That is, in fact, a cheeseburger in a pop-top can, courtesy of the Germans. The ultimate in camping convenience - can't bring a whole Mickey D's with you on your hike? Toss one of these in your pack and you're good to go.

And while we're on the subject of things that just don't belong in a single-serving can (and weird shit German people eat), how about this:



Get one! (Not to be confused with "get some", which would imply that the Germans are selling sex in a can.) This is a trio of single-serving pickles, also in a pop-top can. I mean, maybe that cheeseburger doesn't come with pickles. So there you go. You can just slice one of these babies up and slap it between the bun and the meat.

I also love the tagline on the can - "The pickle snack from the hometown of pickle fans". Sounds very surreal. Can you imagine what a walk down Main Street in the "hometown of pickle fans" would be like? "O, Guten Tag, Achim. Vere iss ze neearest PICKL shop?" "Hi, Juergen. Vhy, ze next PICKL shop iss grad um die Ecke - right around ze kornah."

The Spreewald actually is known for its scenic beauty and excellent pickles, although these days it's all gone pretty downmarket. Kinda sad that a country so rich with history and culture would just throw it all into a can with a cheesy slogan, but there you have it.